As I write this, my baby boy is snuggled up on my chest. It’s late on a quiet night. Well after his bed time. But every time I settle him and leave him to sleep, not five minutes pass before he’s fussing again. So the “me-time” I was looking forward to having tonight after he was sound asleep turned into cozy toddler snuggles. And that’s alright with me.

 

I remind myself that there will be a day when I miss this. I will long to come back to these nights of cosleeping and nursing cuddles. I will wish for one more chance to hold my baby when he’s this little. Because he will never be this small again. Tomorrow he will grow a little more. Until one day he will be too big to fall asleep on my chest. Too grown to sleep in mommy and daddy’s bed. Too old to wake up and want my comfort. 

Don’t get me wrong, some nights I don’t feel this sentimental. Just the other evening I was in tears because I just wanted the bed to myself. I didn’t want toddler feet kicking me and keeping me up anymore. But that’s the thing about motherhood. We have all of these emotions often simultaneously. We want our babies to grow up, but we also want time to stand still. That’s the beauty of it. It’s all bittersweet. 

Nights like this remind me of all that I love about being a mama. Some days it can be hard to look through the fog of tantrums and messes and see the other side, the snuggles, laughter, and love. But on quiet nights like this, I can only thank God for making me Jaxon’s mama. I pray for him as he sleeps soundly on my chest. I pray for his future. That he would grow strong in his faith. Because really that’s all that matters, and it’s the purpose of my motherhood. To raise a warrior for God’s kingdom. I want him to personally know his Savior. 

As I sit here tonight, in prayerful bliss, I cherish my baby while he’s still a baby. I rest in this peaceful moment, just him and I. Even though I didn’t get that “me-time”, I thank god for these quiet nights, and I pray for more of them.