There was a day when I prayed for the life that I now live. I prayed that I would be married to someone who was my best friend. I prayed for babies running around that were half me & half the person I love. I prayed for a house with a front porch where me and my babies would swing and play and enjoy the simple days. I prayed for a home filled with joy and laughter, for a life full of goodness and Jesus.
And I praise God that he answered that prayer for me. It was my biggest dream, to be a mom. I could never picture myself doing anything else in life other than raising babies. And here I am blessed to be…
in my mom era.
But I will be transparent here-I sometimes really struggle with contentment. I am constantly looking into the future, wishing for things I don’t have yet, or not fully living in the present. I am a dreamer to be sure, but sometimes that manifests itself as ungratefulness or discontentment.
After I became a mom, time started moving really fast. Jaxon just keeps growing, keeps learning. And since I have this problem of struggling to live in the moment, I struggled inwardly with mom guilt. I’d tell myself “why don’t you seem satisfied with what you have?” or “you need to cherish every moment, even the hard ones because one day he will be grown.” I know now that I was the one holding myself back from being fully content. My flesh was running the show for a while. Every time I would think about the future or wish to be in the next phase, I would beat myself up for even thinking such a thought. That was definitely blocking any chance I had of living in true, God-given contentment. So I prayed.
I prayed everyday that God would help me live in the moment and cherish these sweet days of babyhood and toddlerhood. I prayed that I wouldn’t stop dreaming, but that materialism and selfish wants wouldn’t interfere with how I live in the present. And he gave me chances throughout each day to live in the moment. Tasks would end up taking longer and instead of rushing them and ending up frustrated, I slowed down. The hard moments still exist, no matter what age our babies are, so I lean on Christ instead of the shallow hope that things would somehow be different in the next phase. It’s the small changes in my day that shifted my perspective and allowed me to truly embrace contentment.
I say all this to encourage any other mama out there who is having difficulty feeling content in her season. Don’t let the mom guilt rule your thoughts. And know you’re not the only one who struggles with this. Motherhood can bring on so many new emotions, and it doesn’t make you a bad mom for wishing certain phases would pass. I don’t want to just tell you “it will get better”. That may be true. But what I think some mamas need to hear instead is that it is possible to find so much good, beauty and love right where you are…
in YOUR mom era.
